so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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