Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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