he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
