if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
