Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
