Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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