Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
