my cup is half full, half full of rum.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My legs feel like baby dolphins
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
