There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
