I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How does it feel to date your dad?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
