We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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