Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
