omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
