Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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