i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
