Do you still have your period?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
