TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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