Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
