i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
