The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
