He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
