You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
