Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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