there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
