this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
