"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I looked at my own cervix.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
