We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
