Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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