new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
