She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
