gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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