I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
