Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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