I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
