i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
