things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Damn victory sex feels great
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
