I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
