dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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