rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
