Tell her she can't have a vagina
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
