I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
