A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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