ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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