You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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