i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
