plz talk dirty to me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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