hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
