Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
People in love make me want to vomit
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
