You made me cry and you don't even care
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
