Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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