this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
