so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
