I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I didn't shave. On purpose
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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