the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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