what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
