We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
