I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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