when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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